Green Eggs And Ham

Have you ever read the book "Green Eggs And Ham?"

I read this book for the first time in years about two days ago. My brother requested it as his bedtime book. Being the good brother I am, I read it to him.

It amazed me just how boring and pointless the book was. The "book" consists of one big bitch fest between SAM-I-AM and this other, unnamed character. You see, SAM-I-AM will stop at nothing to have the other dude eat his Green eggs and ham, which is quite... suspicious, if you ask me. Anyways, the book goes like this;

"I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I do not like them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am."

Now, the book continues like this. On. And on. And on. And on...

Which led me to think, who in there right mind would have the time and the sheer boredom to write something this pointless, at this lenth, completly in simple words and ryming?

Which led me to research how this book was formulated. And I have figured it out.

You see, what most people do not realize is that the great Dr. Seuss had a secret to writing all of his works; That secret was LSD. Really, did you think that a man in his right mind could write like Dr. Seuss does? No, it takes a man tripped out on mushrooms to imagine a cat in a hat, or green eggs and ham. Seuss knew that acid could help him create art, long before John Lennon was even born.

Ayways, one day, Dr. Seuss and his good friend Sam (nic name: Sam I Am) were sitting at a table, doing LSD. However, they were both in an adventurous mood. Sam, a frequent user of marijuanna, got the idea to add weed to the high. He ducked under the table, pulled out his stash, and him and Suess were soon taking hits of mushrooms and joints of weed.

A little while later, Dr. Seuss put down his joint. At this point, the man was higher then all of Staten Island. Giggling like a madman and imaginfinf a world of rainbows and laughter, Dr. Seuss then walked over to his fridge and pulled out a hock of ham. Now, in his high state, the ham appeared to be bright lime green. The following ensued;

Dr. Suess (DS): "Hehe.... HEY! SAM!"

Sam I Am (SIA): "DUDE."

DS: "Hehehe... Do you want some... some..."

SIA: "(giggle)"

DS: "GREEN EGGS... AND HAM?!?!"

SIA: "(giggle) NO. THANK YOU."

DS: "How about... IN A BOAT?!?!"

SIA: "(considers) NO. I DO NOT."

DS: "How about... WITH A GOAT?!?!"

SIA: "DUDE."

DS: "DUDE. Get me some pen and a paper! (giggle) this shit is REEEEAL"

Dr. Seuss then sat down and wrote the entirity of the book. he tryed everything to get Sam to eat the green eggs and ham. Soon, they were on the very last page, and Dr. Seuss was getting frustrated. The egative aspect of the LSD was starting to kick in;

DS: "SAM"

SIA: "(giggle) DUDE, I love you"

DS: "If you love me, you'll eat the green eggs and ham."

SIA: "The... the... wha..?!"

DS: "EAT EM!"

SIA: "S-s-sure?"

DS: "Thank you, asshole! I've been trying to get rid of that shit for MONTHS."

4 months and 5 lawsuits later, everyones favorite childrens book was published.

-J.T